You and I
by queenkepner
Summary: It's crazy, how one day you just look at the person who's been your best friend for so long and suddenly you're standing up at their wedding because life seems unimaginable and unquestionable without them by your side. (The aftermath of Jackson's speech in 10x12)


_**Please review, I'd love to hear your thoughts. This has been sitting in my drafts for ages, I hope you like it. **_

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Astonishment. Anger. Pain. Love.

Those were few of the emotions cursing through the barn following the two word question Jackson had sprung on the beautiful bride to be.

_"Do you?"_

It was a simple question, really. A yes or a no. Do you love me? Yes. No. But it wasn't so simple when the groom's family is shooting daggers, and your own family looks like they're watching the best soap opera they've seen in years.

April couldn't let the words he'd just said sink in because they felt too unreal. Jackson Avery, her best friend, her person, the man who'd been the ghost of her thoughts for the past few months yet she'd been able to keep that all locked away.

The camera man frantically moved his camera to focus on April, then Jackson… and eventually a fuming Matthew. He was supposed to video the wedding, but this seemed like a 5 million views worthy youtube video. So he continued filming it.

April's sisters were whispering quite loudly, filling in the deathly silence. "Can you believe it? Duckie has two men fighting over her?! Who would've thought."

But April didn't know what to say. She was frozen. In between a life of passion and un-assured future with Jackson, or a safe and cozy life with the man she was ready to marry only minutes ago.

It was kind of like when they say your life flashes before your eyes right before you die, well it felt like that. She could picture her first day at Mercy West, when the great Jackson Avery was in her class and she was the only one who hadn't been sucking up to him (mainly because she was the only one who knew it was Avery from Harper Avery)

And then there was that time she dyed her hair brown and he told her that he'd miss her red curls. It was funny, because they'd actually never really spoken. She thought he was egoistical, he thought she was stuck up. It stayed like that until the merger. They had to stick together then, Mercy West forever and all.

After that there was the shooting, that claimed both of their best friends. They suddenly became so much closer, and even moved into Meredith's frat house together. He would have nightmares at night, and she came into his room. In those long tireless nights they held each other, longing for each other's warmth. Not fuck, like everyone seemed to be doing, just be there for each other.

Jackson was the only one that ever tried to see beneath April's neurotic behaviour. April didn't see him as Jackson Avery, because he was so much more than his name. But it was clear that their friendship was platonic and would always be (which is something Jackson tried to convince himself night after night when her red hair was sprawled on his chest and his heart was beating way, way too fast.)

But then there was San Francisco. April had looked so hot when she had punched that dude –who by the way thought Jackson was her boyfriend which made him very proud. She wasn't his klutz best friend anymore, she was fiery, fearless and hot.

So of course all he wanted to do was kiss her, and of course all she did was kiss him first because she's April Kepner, and she always knows things first. He had looked so irresistible, she looked so inevitable. Their chemistry was undeniable and unquestionable and they could easily describe that night as the best they'd ever shared.

And then again in the bathroom the next day. The way he pressed her against the green tiles of the cubicle, the way sweat formed at the nape of his neck, right above his shirt. The way he held his hand on her mouth to stifle her moans.

All of the rest was a clear blur April had long ago lodged in a part of her mind she never wanted to remember again. The proposal, the break up, the "I have feelings, I have a lot of them."

Maybe because it was too painful, maybe because she was over it, or maybe, just maybe, because he was standing right there asking her that question.

"April?" Matthew finally spoke, the tone in his voice was harsh, nothing like the one who had been so reassuring only minutes ago when she was all in to spend the rest of her life with him.

Jackson took in her silence as a cold and flat no. Just like she'd taken his silence the night of the storm for a thousand unspoken words that had finally been forced out of his mouth.

So he ran out of the barn, which was incredibly cliché and April suddenly cursed all the chick flicks she'd watched over the years.

"I uh.. I'm sorry." She turned to Matthew, finally making up her mind. Slowly, she removed the ring from her finger and handed it to him, he looked devastated. She felt like a monster, both of their families and friends frantically talking now that they'd realized what she had done.

So she ran too. Dear lord, this was really becoming too cliché. Maybe Meredith had been right when she told her that she was going to run. Maybe twisted people had a way of recognizing other twisted people.

She ran as fast as her legs could take her, and when she suddenly approached Jackson –who had stopped dead in his tracks at the barn's doors when he heard her say the fatal sorry. She put her hand in his, never stopping to run as she felt him quickly catch up with her.

His hand was warm in her cold, scared one. He was completely disoriented and confused, yet couldn't keep his heart from fluttering because _she picked him._

They left the rest of the barn agape at what had just happened.

To anyone other than Jackson and April their relationship had always seemed like a fling. It was void of feelings, uncomplicated yet abruptly stopped. Most of them assumed it was because April wasn't the kind of girl to screw in on call rooms

They ran behind the barn, away from all the judging looks and careless judgements. It was so ironic, them running away from a commitment they'd both fully agreed to. She was getting married, he was moving on. Except they weren't.

April finally stopped dead in her tracks when she decided they were far enough, that when she started hitting his chest as hard as she could possibly muster. Silent tears escaped her eyes as she kept smacking his chest, where she could feel his heart racing.

"Please say something." Jackson pleaded with the same look he'd had back in the barn. She looked so sad, and he wanted to wipe away her tears that he had caused but she was furious, hysteric even.

"Y-you.. I…" April finally composed herself, staring into the familiar blue eyes for the first time since he'd uttered the 3 words.

_I love you._

His eyes were an ocean, with waves crashing down every so often. The shore seemed so high and dangerous, yet all she wanted to do was soothe it and jump in the turquoise water. He was a hurricane of thoughts, she was a storm with skin.

"I don't know what to tell you," She started, deciding that the ocean was dangerous and risky yet all she'd ever wanted, "Other than the fact that when flies fall in love their whole brain is rewired to only know loving each other."

"What?"

"And when one of them dies, their mind goes blank." April was biting on her bottom lip, a habit she'd picked up so many years ago when she wasn't a runaway bride escaping her wedding with her best friend.

"I love you." Jackson repeated bluntly.

"I was about to get married." April answered.

"I know."

"I would've been happy, you know."

"I know."

"But you don't. You don't know that every time I'm curled up in bed all I think about is being tangled in sheets with you. All I ever want to do is to hear your heart pound against your chest, and the way your eyes are an everlasting storm. I.. I love you. And you're an idiot. A massive idiot that possibly just ruined our lives and my wedding with another man. And I love you." She finally said, while searching for his hands and taking them in her small, pale ones.

It felt right. Him with her and her with him. It was like it was almost meant to be, her in a wedding dress that wasn't supposed to be for him to see and her to have him stand up at her wedding.

They were hurricanes, with mercy-less destruction caused on their ways. They'd hurt so many people beyond repair which they would have to eventually deal with. Hell, they were _at _the wedding.

"What are we going to do?" Jackson gazed into her hazel eyes he'd grown to adore over the years.

"I don't know. We're really screwed." April smiled.

"We're a mess." He answered, stroking her cheek ever so slightly.

"But we're a we." She answered.

And just like that. From being best friends to being more to being friends with-awkward-feelings to oh i'm getting married to a man that isn't you, to the wedding, to him standing up and telling her that he in fact has always loved her, to her running out with him and hitting him so much, to them being heart against heart.

It's crazy, how one day you just look at the person who's been your best friend for so long and suddenly there's more. It's unexplainable and unquestionable, and it's there.

So in the late afternoon of what was predicted to be the best day of April's life, she was instead in the arms of the person she'd always loved. Their hearts were beating against one another, like wild animals trapped in their rib cages.

And it just felt right.


End file.
